Pie ?
by Heather Giesbrecht
Summary: Smith, Neo and a haunted pie factory ? What ever could go horribly right ? Rated M for lots of swearing.


**Pie ?**

Smith looked at the building across the street.  
The Old Mary Pie Factory , it had been abandoned for years after it got burnt out.  
Even when he'd been an Agent he hadn't been able to confirm if it was really haunted or not.  
He looked down at the street to see his oblivious affection and obsession pacing in front of the factory.

Ah, dearest Neo. The tall, slim and pale skinned black clad form beautiful as ever.  
He always looked amazing , a sense of power emanated from him or maybe that was just sex appeal.  
Or maybe it was both ? I liked that option more than the others.

* * *

A group of teen Rebels led by the teen called Kid walked up to Neo , or at least Kid did.  
The others looked too awed to approach the One. They shuffled around embarrassed.

"Hi, Neo." Kid says

An annoyed look crosses the pretty face and Neo growls  
"What is it Kid ? It better be good. There was no bloody werewolf. "

"But this is different Neo. The old factory's supposed to be haunted by ghosts and a demon."

"Ghosts , demon ?. Kid do I look like a damned priest to you ? "

"Sorta. " Kid says sheepish.

For once I couldn't help but agree with the idiot. Neo in that cassock did look like a priest.  
Fucking hot one , he could exorcise me anytime. When ever , where ever.

Neo glares "Rhetorical question Kid. Now, why should I ? "

"Because we're too terrified to. Cause we're not strong enough , or fast enough. "  
Kid's response was sickening.

"Alright, alright. Shut up - you're sounding like a little creep Kid.  
If I don't find anything I'm kicking your ass. "

* * *

With that Neo turns and runs at the fenced off factory.  
Jumping, soaring over it and landing in a crouch , standing and stalking off smooth as anything.  
Cassock flared gracefully as he walked , he had a really nice ass. Definitely nice.  
As he disappeared into the building I jumped over to an adjacent roof and into the yard.

One of the Kids' friends says " You better hope he finds something.  
He sounded like he really was going to kick your ass. "

"I know he's great isn't he. " Kid sighs

It made me want to jump back over the fence and punch him in the face.  
Or shoot him , or both. No stupid KID was going to steal Neo from me.  
Neo was MINE damn it. MINE.

* * *

Slipping in after him , the building was in even worse shape than the last time I'd seen it.  
Burned and falling apart , all the lights either didn't work or had been smashed out.

Neo was a few feet ahead of me , nearly disappearing in the shadows.  
He jumped as he kicked a piece of machinery and then he mutters "Why's it smell like pie ? "

We both stopped as something appeared , a human form my vision flickered into code.  
I could see Neo but I couldn't see the ...ghost. It says "Get OUT. Before its too late. GET OUT. "  
It fades away and I could practically feel Neo's shudder.

The smell of pie fades and I followed Neo. He walked thru the entrance and into the work area.

"This is so creepy. Bloody kid , I'm really gonna kill him after this.  
Especially if this turns into some sort of horror movie."

Don't worry Neo , I'm here. I'll protect you.  
I jerked around as something moved on the edge of my sight. Nothing was there.  
I sighed in relief. And then yelped when something pushed me.  
Then it slammed me into a burnt out metal desk.  
Which groaned and collapsed under my weight.

* * *

Neo's voice up ahead "What the fuck ? Why'd it really have to be haunted ? "  
He walks cautiously back towards me.  
He jumps and raises an eyebrow when he sees me picking myself up.

"Smith ? What , what are ... you doing here ? " he asks me.

"I was following you. I wanted to make sure you would not get yourself killed.  
You know this place is haunted since you were listening to the little idiot. "

Neo laughs " Wow, never thought I'd agree with you before that.  
Seriously one time I went looking for a werewolf just cause he asked me to.  
I hope he's not in love me , that'd be awkward. "

"Trust me, if he wants to live he will not say anything.  
This place was burned down , I never figured out if it was a glitch , Exiles or Rebels that did it.  
Plenty of people died and it was rumored that they summoned a Demon. "  
I answered the unspoken question.

"A Demon ? Like a pie Demon ? No way in hell. Those don't exist."  
Neo laughs again and looks around nervously.

* * *

Then he yelps as suddenly a pie slammed into his face.  
"Owww,fuck. Smith something scratched me. "

He blinks pie out of his eyes , wiping some off .  
Wonder if he tastes as good as he looks ? Hmm, I really shouldn't have thought of that.  
And I reached a hand out , running it over his cheek-bone.

Licking it off my hand I noted that it was some sort of coconut and chocolate mix.  
I noticed an opportunity. Leaned in and kissed him for a few seconds.  
" You missed some. Hmm, not bad. But maybe that's just you. "

Neo stares at me in surprise and "Smith are you ... . "  
Yet another two pies fly out of no-where , one hitting me in the back of the head.  
The other slamming into Neo's chest , he actually gets winded from the force of it.

* * *

"Smith, I don't think that ... Demon likes us. "

"What is the One scared of a little pie ? "

"No. I'm scared of a fucking Demon. "

I blinked I'd never heard him swear this much before.  
As I ran my fingers thru my hair , trying to pick out the pie Neo stands up.  
At first he just brushes off the pie than unbuttons the cassock and drops it.  
I stared at him , now if only I could get him to do that a few more times.  
Then I stared because of the words carved out of his shirt.

" Leave or stay. Face the consequences or DIE. Your choice."

I muttered "Hmm, funny thought you'd be too small to fit sentences.  
It even gave us options, how ... nice of it. I think. "

"What the hell are you on about ? Small ? Fuck you. "

"Later definitely. " I grinned.

He blushed and shook his head , muttering  
"This is crazy. I'm crazy. Why the hell'd I agree to this ? "

* * *

Shadows flickered as the lights came on and went off.  
I didn't answer and started walking , he races to catch up.  
We walked into an office , it was covered in what looked like blood.

"I don't like this, not at all. Ahhk. " we crashed to the floor.

I rolled off of him , wondering why he'd done that.  
Then I saw it... a giant ... Pie Demon was standing over us.

* * *

Somehow it was terrifying a being made of coconut , chocolate , banana and lemon pudding.  
Well it was an eleven foot Demon made of pie after all , you didn't see those everyday.  
It had crusts for eye-lashes , sharpened claws and horns.  
Glared at us with glowing blood-colored eyes.  
It also had a giant sword made of molten metal.

Neo whimpers "Dear god , I don't wanna die this way. " and pulls me back into his side.  
Terrifying as the Pie Demon was I couldn't keep to myself , a different sort of whimper coming from Neo.

Then something else , the ghost from before appears again.  
I could actually see it now , it was a smaller woman.  
Somehow I knew it was glaring at the Demon.

"You leave those boys alone , they ain't done anything to you.  
Go. Shoo. Your not welcome here. "

The Demon growls sounding like a roaring furnace

" Who are you to stop me ? Your nothing but a ghost.  
You have no power over me. "

* * *

What could only be called Pie - shadow Demons appeared around the room.  
Great now there were four of them and they looked angry , it was my turn to whimper.  
Bits of crust flew at us , I hissed as one cut thru my arm.

Suddenly pies were flying everywhere Neo , I myself and the Demons got covered.  
The pies almost seemed to glow with some sort of light.  
Pie Demons howled as they exploded and disappeared.

I blinked as Neo kissed me , before he licked my cheek.  
"Hmm, your right. Maybe you're not bad after all. "

I groaned and then said "Neo , you know this place is a mess. A fucking mess. "

"Smith. I don't give a damn. Now say it again. "  
He was leaning over me his lips on my neck , I pulled at his shirt.

"Wha ? Ahh, fucking Neo did you just bite me ? "

" That's it, good doggy. Maybe..."

I blinked at him , groaning again what was he doing ?  
Ahh , thats it yess. Mmm.

* * *

Four hours later

It'd been so long since anyone'd shown up here.  
Especially as good-looking as these men were.  
Mary grinned as she watched them.  
They were still at it.

Why couldn't everyone be as satisfying as these two ?

* * *

_Author's Note:_Thanks for reading , now please review :)


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